So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
