I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
