Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
