So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
