That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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