I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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