he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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