my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
