Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
