Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
