if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
