You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
