This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
