Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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