Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
