i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
