New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
