she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
