So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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