I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
