So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
