I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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