if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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