This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
