I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
