the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
