At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
