Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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