it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
