get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i think i just lost a toe
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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