Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
