sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
