I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
