Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
