consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
