i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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