my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
