Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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