you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
