Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
