Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
