btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
sex in a hospital.. check
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
