I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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