just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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