My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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