Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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