I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
