Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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