someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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