"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
