i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
