I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
