The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just invented taco cereal.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize