You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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